Writing as a Source of Empowerment

[Editor’s Note: This post was originally published as the author’s newsletter on July 11, 2020, and has been modified slightly from its original version.]

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I’m Scared to Send You My Letter

“Your post today is so powerful. I’ve learned something from each of your posts so far.”

“It’s great you regularly get your writing out in public. I admire you for spreading wisdom on important issues in a frank, emotionally vulnerable way.”

“Her words are timely, and she speaks from the heart.”

These are some of the comments I have heard about my newsletter posts from people who care about me. Their words mean a lot to me not only because I seek acknowledgment and affirmation from the people around me (I wish I didn’t, but that’s how I was brought up), but also because I have a whole lot of negative voices to fight against.

These negative voices initially came from the outside: adults who had power over me during my childhood, supervisors who had or have power over me in my adulthood, and the society that has had power over me throughout my life. Over time, the voices have been internalized, joining the choir of doubt in my head:

Am I writing the “right” message? Does my voice deserve to be heard?

Should I not write about Black Lives Matter because I’m not Black? Am I making White people uncomfortable? Am I merely rationalizing for not doing more activism work?

Am I overreacting? Being too sensitive?

What if my mom sees my letters? Would she disown me? Am I exaggerating my struggles? Am I seeking and hoarding attention?

Am I wasting time by writing? Should I be doing something more productive or more profitable?

Do people actually read my letters?

Definitely Not Okay

Since I started posting my newsletter, which is called Definitely Not Okay, in April of 2020, those are the kinds of questions that come and go in waves. I write about uncomfortable subjects—how the world is not okay. I write about personal subjects—how I am not okay, physically, mentally, or emotionally. I am often scared to click the “publish” button, and sometimes I don’t click it. But I’ll come back to it the following day and try again. If you are reading this, it is evidence of my brave index finger managing to hit that button.

It turns out, though, that I’m not the only person struggling with these negative voices. Campbell Walker, the talented illustrator behind Struthless, turned such voices into seven illustrated characters to help himself and his viewers; check out the short video “How to Silence the Negative Voices in Your Head.”

His method worked for me, and I was able to identify the characters babbling in my head: Terry the Terrified, Nina the Needy, and Hugo the Hater.

Not everyone will like my writing, and I need to tell myself that it’s okay that not everyone will like what I say. Kate Flowers, minimalist artist, recently proclaimed that she’s done focusing on people’s negative comments about her. Nobody has actually said anything negative about my letters yet. Kate Flowers’ YouTube channel has 330K subscribers; my newsletter has 36. The only person who is saying anything negative is me. Wait. Not me, but Terry, Nina, and Hugo.

Writing as Empowerment

Fortunately, my desire to connect with others is stronger than the fear Terry, Nina, and Hugo create. Hugo might say that nobody needs to hear me cry, but the fact is, somebody might. By crying out loud through my words and telling the whole world that I’m not okay and that the world is not okay, I create space for others to cry with me and know that they are not alone. I give others permission, empowering them and empowering myself. Caleb “The Negro Artist” Rainey agrees: “There may be a person who needs to hear your story so that they can understand their own better, or so they feel free enough to share theirs with you.”

If you are apprehensive about sharing your story/your words, I hope you’ve found this post helpful. I hope you know that you are not alone. I encourage you to leave a comment below or visit the original post and leave a comment there.

To continue reading about my story and my struggles, subscribe to my newsletter.

About the Author: Linda Park

Linda writes letters of vulnerable thoughts to friends, family, and strangers at definitelynotokay.com. She seeks to connect with readers by sharing, with compassion and courage, her stories of facing her imperfect self and her struggles. She also writes and translates literary works of various genres. Her experiences as a queer woman and Korean immigrant heavily influence her writing.

During her years of master’s study in Linguistics at the University of Iowa, Linda conducted sociolinguistic research on multilingualism and linguistic imperialism. Over the last ten years, she has taught English to immigrants and international students from all around the world.

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