Self-Care for Writers

Okay, Not Just for Writers…

There’s a tendency for people to assess their self-worth based on productivity. And while I think that everyone struggles with the coupling of these two concepts (self-worth and productivity) to some extent, writers (and other creative types) may be especially prone to evaluating their self-worth in this way. Specifically, we (writers) may judge ourselves on how much we’ve written (e.g., how many words per day/week/month) or on how much we’ve published.

I’ve written previously of my struggles to “produce” during this pandemic and of how it’s okay to not be as productive as one might otherwise be. However, as this pandemic rages on and many of us adjust to the new normal, we may once again become susceptible to the guilt that can often accompany a lack of (self-described) productivity. Such a focus can result in exhaustion and anxiety, though, so we must also learn to practice rigorous self-care. And this goes for everyone–not just writers. And not just during a pandemic.

Defining Productivity

I had a conversation recently with a friend about productivity. It was on a day when I had felt especially unproductive, so it was helpful to hear her thoughts. What I took away from that conversation was, first, that I was not alone in the guilt I experience on days when I don’t “produce.” Secondly, though, this person also made me realize that the term productivity carries a much broader sociological meaning.

Productivity isn’t just about how much we’ve written or produced creatively; it goes deeper than that. It also speaks to societal norms and expectations. For example, some may think that one needs to be married at a certain age or bear children in order to be a productive member of society. Our society certainly caters toward a family unit of some sort, meaning that people who are single–without a partner–are often disfavored. Society also tends to frown upon those who are childless. And if you do have children? Well, society also has a strong bias against stay-at-home parents. And I’m not even scratching the surface in regards to gender, racial, and cultural biases that accompany these choices. The bottom line is that productivity means different things to different people, and we’re also not all held to the same standards, which can further create or exacerbate feelings of shame, self-reproach, and anxiety/depression.

It’s all of these sorts of societal expectations of “productivity” that weigh on a person, contributing to their feelings of self-worth (or lack thereof). One’s education and the amount of money they make (or don’t make) are, of course, other contributing factors.

And If You’re a Writer…

In my experience, if you tell someone that you’re a writer, they want to know what you’ve written and where they can read it. They may not necessarily be interested in reading your work, but your answer serves to assure them that you really are a writer (or not). They next want to know what you actually do, i.e., how you make a living/support yourself, which speaks again to both your “productivity” and your self-worth.

For the record, one can certainly be a writer without having been published. I like to think of the term writer as a description of a lifestyle more than anything. To be a writer, you involve yourself in certain kinds of activities, one of which is–duh!–writing! Just because your productivity may not be visible to others doesn’t mean it’s not there.

Self-Care for Writers

Just like the term productivity, the term self-care can mean different things to different people, too. For that reason, I don’t want to tell you how to take care of yourself. I do, however, want to offer some tips that may help you focus on self-care (over productivity).

1. Eschew societal norms.

The guilt (or shame) that can come from not meeting certain societal expectations can cause undue anxiety. Therefore, it’s important to recognize that, first of all, productivity is an individual gauge. One’s productivity should not be measured against someone else’s. Like success, its meaning is unique.

I generally think of productivity as doing something fulfilling–an activity that makes me happy or brings me joy. I think that, as a society, we need to clear our minds of the idea that being productive means making money or keeping busy. Some of the most productive people I know (using my own subjective definition of productivity) are those who are taking time for themselves (e.g., finishing projects years in the making), sharing their talents with others (e.g., via blogposts or virtual workshops), or giving their time and energy for a good cause (e.g., fostering puppies or creating food forests to help fight hunger).

Self-care, therefore, means evaluating what’s important to you, not what’s important to others. Writing by its very nature is a highly competitive–and highly subjective–art form. To be a writer (or artist of any kind) means that you are already eschewing, or rejecting, society’s norms. Art is often viewed as impractical, even as it is necessary and ubiquitous. All you need to do is realize that you can still be productive–and successful–even if you don’t look productive in the eyes of others.

Regardless of what society says, let yourself rest.

For me, self-care means allowing myself to take days off to rest my brain. Being constantly busy does not necessarily equal being productive or happy (often translated to positive self-worth). I greatly enjoy the work I do, but sometimes I also need to do “nothing.” If I don’t read for a day or two or if I don’t write or edit for a day or two, that’s okay. I saw a meme on social media earlier that said, “Let yourself rest,” and I think we all need that reminder. Think about what this year has brought us so far (and there are still four more months to go): a pandemic, protests for racial justice, wackos and conspiracy theories, murder hornets, and natural disasters galore (hurricanes, a derecho, wildfires). Not to mention an unprecedented and significant election year in the U.S.

There is nothing normal about 2020, so we shouldn’t let societal norms dictate our self-worth. Let yourself rest.

2. Limit comparisons to others.

I recently wrote an article on LinkedIn about self-awareness. Self-awareness is key in helping to break the cycle of comparison. While it’s human nature to want what others have (the grass is always greener and all that), that envy can also be harmful. It may also be based on a facade and not on what’s real. That is to say, outlets such as social media paint rosy pictures of people’s lives. These outlets, though, don’t show the dysfunction that may also be underlying, or the pain and sorrow.

Writing, as I’ve often stated, is a process. One does not simply sit down and churn out a novel. Well, some people might; but generally speaking, writing is a slow–and often painful and emotional–process. One of my favorite novels is A Girl Is a Half-Formed Thing by Eimear McBride. After writing the novel, McBride reportedly spent nearly ten years trying to get it published.

Similarly, I have a friend who, after several years of trying to get her novel published, has finally signed a contract. It would be easy to focus on the fact that she will have a novel published; it would be easy to be envious. But I also know how incredibly hard she has worked on her novel. I think she started it around ten years ago. She has written, edited, revised, edited, and revised some more. She has had dozens of people read it and provide feedback. She has pitched to countless agents. Her work isn’t done yet either; so, to focus on the book deal alone would be to ignore years of toiling.

Be yourself.

Therefore, instead of making a comparison–why can’t I have what they have?–I think it’s an important part of self-care to stop and consider the behind-the-scenes world. This is true on social media, too. Just because someone posts a happy picture doesn’t mean they have a life without woe; just because they share some exciting news doesn’t mean that they haven’t put in hours, months, or years of work to get to that point.

This goes along with the idea of societal norms, too. We are given arbitrary expected checkpoints in life (e.g., do X by this age, do Y by this age). But we don’t need to get married by a certain age (if we choose to get married at all), and we don’t have to follow a specified career path. We can scout our own trails in our own way. And while some people get their first book published while they’re in their twenties or thirties, just as many are in their forties, fifties, or sixties. Let yourself create your own path. As Oscar Wilde stated, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

If you are going to compare yourself to others (and it’s not an inherently bad thing to do), make sure it’s for the right reasons. There are several small business owners that I look up to. Our businesses are very different from each other, but I can appreciate these other business owners’ strengths and learn from them. We learn to write by analyzing the works of writers more accomplished than ourselves. And we learn to be better humans by watching how others share and contribute to making the world better. It is the negative comparisons that can be harmful.

3. Focus on That Which You Can Control.

I have been flabbergasted at people who have refused to wear masks during this pandemic. It’s such a simple act–an act of kindness really. Yet many argue that doing so is in violation of their constitutional rights. I am equally astounded when people choose to gather in groups and then seem surprised that COVID-19 is spreading. A recent article shows a number of cases linked to a wedding reception. And then there are the multiple cases linked to the motorcycle rally in Sturgis, South Dakota. My initial thought is one of disbelief. What did people think would happen?

And it’s still my thought. At the same time, though, I have to recognize that I can only control my own behaviors and not those of other people. I am saddened that the U.S. has become a country with a large number of people who seem to have little empathy for others. If people felt a more powerful sense of collective responsibility instead of mere ruthless entitlement, perhaps the U.S. would have been able to combat the virus the way other countries have.

But I cannot force others to behave responsibly. I can only behave responsibly myself and hope others will follow my lead. And letting go of this lack of control–recognizing my limitations of “power”–is a powerful part of self-care. It is easy to get angry at others, but it’s not usually helpful. With the world in its current state, we need to recognize what’s within our own power.

To bring that sense of control around to writing: we can change how hard we work on a piece of writing, but we cannot control what journals might accept our writing. Letting go of that which we cannot control does not mean we’re giving up. On the contrary, we persevere. We assess our goals and evaluate what we need to reach them. Each person will certainly have a different path.

Finding Balance

A lot of people (myself included) tend to think of self-care in regards to health and activities such as meditating, eating healthy, and exercising. And those are certainly important–for both physical and mental health. As are relaxation activities such as getting a massage or a manicure or pedicure. Self-care may also include indulging: eating Doritos (my weakness), enjoying a glass of wine, binge-watching Doc Martin (guilty), or taking an afternoon nap.

Regardless of whether we’re writers or not, we shouldn’t feel guilty for taking time for ourselves. To rest and rejuvenate. To do “nothing.” Especially now. Traveling is out of the question for me right now, as is sitting for hours in a coffee house–these are things I would normally do to relax; these types of activities also fall under the guise of “productivity.” It looks like we’re doing something.

Some days I’m proud of myself if I’ve managed to put laundry away. Other days, I focus on my craft–reading, writing, submitting to journals. In between, of course, I have my editing and proofreading work, so there are also days when just meeting my deadlines is accomplishment enough.

And if you ever feel the need to rationalize doing “nothing,” let me remind you that productivity often comes best from a rested mind. Additionally, when I’m doing “nothing” (e.g., playing Scrabble on my phone, watching TV, walking my dog) is when I often get ideas or come up with creative solutions to problems in my writing. To be sure, thinking is not an unproductive act. Not by any stretch of the imagination. And, in fact, perhaps we could use more of it in this world.

So, slow down. Let yourself rest.